Appreciating Stillness, Becoming Less Anxious
As I watched the water fountains splash water into the air, I couldn’t help but be happy. I turned to my husband and told him:
“It’s weird; I deeply appreciate the life around me. I am crying because I can feel the wind on my face, I can hear the splashes of water crash back down into the fountain and I notice the leaves dancing with the direction of the wind on the trees. I think the reason why I appreciate this so much is because I can finally appreciate stillness. I am just so happy; this is a taste of what I have been working so hard for and it’s slowly arriving. I love it, I feel so blessed.”
In a world where there are a lot of fast-paced decisions, dinners, and footsteps, it becomes very hard to appreciate the little things sometimes. I told him that if this was me a year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to just sit there and enjoy my surroundings. I would have just been thinking about the 101 things I needed to do and 101 things I should have done; I wouldn’t have been appreciating the moment, the present.
As I ate my sandwich I continued to cry because I could taste every bite of my it, I could enjoy the sun peeking through the clouds and warming my cheeks. And all of this was amazingly nice.
It’s such a different feeling and I cry because I appreciate it. I didn’t need my phone to distract me at that moment. I actually didn’t want my phone at all. I secretly wished we were back in the early 1900s, in the countryside, with no technology. Just nature.
It’s such a beautiful feeling and I can’t believe this is what living actually is. I don’t know how long it will last, I will probably have anxiety-filled days again in the future, but for now, as far as I’m learning, I’m going to enjoy the present and enjoy the now.
After finishing up my sandwich, I crumbled up my wrapper into a ball and turned to my husband one last time and said,
“Life is beautiful once you finally trust yourself enough to enjoy it; I guess I’m finally, subconsciously, trusting myself.”
I then wiped my last tear, smiled, and stayed seated as I looked at the fountain in front of us for just a few more minutes, appreciating the stillness around me. Appreciating the stillness, finally, inside of me.
Loren.
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